A guide to online dating

New year, new you. You made a dating profile. After an hour, you realise it’s a mine field. Pictures, bios, bots and catfish?! Lordy, is it worth it? For entertainment value alone, yes. It is. And who knows, you may even find love. Keep reading for our top ten tips for online dating survival.

1. Photo

Flattering, yes. Photoshopped lies, no. Come on. Don’t end up on catfish.

2. Bio

Keep it brief. Essential or witty (but not obscene) information only. E.g. if height is a thing for you, mention it here. If you’re looking for a life partner with whom you want to weave wicker baskets, say nothing.

3. Messaging

Jokes are good. Weird obscurity is not. Don’t look like a cyber freak by answering only in monosyllables. The internet is a dark place. Don’t make your matches think you’re part of it.

4. Monogamy is not a thing!

Ok, it is, but less so with internet dating. Don’t feel bad for talking to multiple people. Just think, if you talk to one person for a month then meet them and realise you hate them, how darned cross will you be?

5. The date

Don’t get your hopes up. You’re meeting a stranger. If things go well, you can be pleasantly surprised. If they don’t, laugh.

6. Spot the weirdos

If the first line is, “You free tonight?” and the second line is, “Are you mixed race?”, unmatch/delete immediately. You’re meeting criteria.

7. Meet ASAP

Don’t faff for months chatting. Firstly you’ll know the person you’re chatting to is real. (Ideal.) Secondly, you won’t build up your expectations too highly if they’re awful. Thirdly, isn’t meeting in person better anyway?

8. Dutch Courage

If you don’t drink, have a wham bar. A sugar high works too.

9. Contingency plan

If the date’s going badly, get someone to ring you at a certain time to escape. If you have no friends, set an emergency alarm instead.

10. Be prepared

Don’t go over the top… but grab the razor, shower in your finest aromas, manicure, pedicure, hair gel, teeth gleaming. Even if you don’t like your date, you’re a 10.

Feel ready? We sure hope so. But, for extra preparation for your dating career, get on over to HiHouse and check out our beauty toiletries, cosmetics and (wink wink) sexual health products.

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