A guide to online dating
New year, new you. You made a dating profile. After an hour, you realise it’s a mine field. Pictures, bios, bots and catfish?! Lordy, is it worth it? For entertainment value alone, yes. It is. And who knows, you may even find love. Keep reading for our top ten tips for online dating survival.
Flattering, yes. Photoshopped lies, no. Come on. Don’t end up on catfish.
Keep it brief. Essential or witty (but not obscene) information only. E.g. if height is a thing for you, mention it here. If you’re looking for a life partner with whom you want to weave wicker baskets, say nothing.
Jokes are good. Weird obscurity is not. Don’t look like a cyber freak by answering only in monosyllables. The internet is a dark place. Don’t make your matches think you’re part of it.
4. Monogamy is not a thing!
Ok, it is, but less so with internet dating. Don’t feel bad for talking to multiple people. Just think, if you talk to one person for a month then meet them and realise you hate them, how darned cross will you be?
5. The date
Don’t get your hopes up. You’re meeting a stranger. If things go well, you can be pleasantly surprised. If they don’t, laugh.
6. Spot the weirdos
If the first line is, “You free tonight?” and the second line is, “Are you mixed race?”, unmatch/delete immediately. You’re meeting criteria.
7. Meet ASAP
Don’t faff for months chatting. Firstly you’ll know the person you’re chatting to is real. (Ideal.) Secondly, you won’t build up your expectations too highly if they’re awful. Thirdly, isn’t meeting in person better anyway?
8. Dutch Courage
If you don’t drink, have a wham bar. A sugar high works too.
9. Contingency plan
If the date’s going badly, get someone to ring you at a certain time to escape. If you have no friends, set an emergency alarm instead.
10. Be prepared
Don’t go over the top… but grab the razor, shower in your finest aromas, manicure, pedicure, hair gel, teeth gleaming. Even if you don’t like your date, you’re a 10.