Once Upon A Time On Valentines..
Love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day is looming. Want two scenarios of low spending on February 14th? Of course you do. You LOVE a bargain. But, we’re not here to judge; we’re here to provide. So, once again, we’ll start the way all good Valentine’s Days begin…
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Everyone’s got partners,
You want one too.
But, no need to fret,
Check our guidelines,
Called once upon a time
It’s Valentine’s Day. You’ve got a date (yippee!). But, you’re on a budget. A tight one. You’ve invited him round because you can’t afford to buy dinner (unless it’s at Kebab King) and have splashed out on corner shop prosecco. Because you’re smart, you logged onto HiHouse before 2pm yesterday and got some emergency provisions. So, to start, you grab the Febreze Fabric Refreshers and spray every upholstered surface in sight. There’s no time for actual washing (unless he’s cool sitting on damp material). You spray the curtains, the sofas, the carpets and rugs until every odour is eliminated and everything smells fresh as a daisy.
Next, you get started on the ambience. You’re creative so although you don’t have a fairylit boudoir to hold the evening, you do have our Energizer Halogen Bulbs, maroon bed sheets and, piece de resistance, a dimmer switch. Completely perfect! You close the (Febrezed) curtain, drape the (Febrezed) sheets from the ceiling, dim the lights and hey presto, you’ve got a boudoir. You fire up the 10 Chupa Chups Tealights and the sweet cherry aromas begin to waft around the joint. Mmmm…sensual.
Next, it’s time to get yourself in order. You check the time. Yikes! He’ll be round VERY soon. There’s time for a shower but not much else. You run in, out then spritz yourself with Lynx Dark Temptation before dressing yourself in a (if you do say so yourself) mighty fine ensemble. You apply some Rosy Lips Vaseline to be smooch ready when there’s a knock on the door. He’s here. Run! No, wait. Be cool.
Pop the pack of 18 Exure Natural Condoms and the pack of 18 flavoured ones (#optimistic) in the bedside drawer (or, if you’re feeling extra naughty, in plain sight on the bed…) and slink downstairs. A quick spritz of Fresher Breath Spray then you open the door and lead him into your makeshift boudoir. For under £10, you let the evening commence.
The day has arrived. After months of anticipation and preparation, Valentine’s Day is here. And, you’re excited. You decided to stay in because you know that no restaurant could make the effort you’re willing to put in. You made your HiHouse order weeks ago but, now it’s time to pull everything together. You get showered, open the pack of 10 Laser Lady Razors and shave yourself silky smooth. You come out and throw on a dressing gown before spritzing yourself with Beyoncé Heat. If anyone can lead you to success tonight, it’s the diva herself, Queen Bey.
You head downstairs and take the last of the silk sheets from the tumble dryer. They smell of the fragrant lavender and camomile from the Bold Detergent Capsules you used to wash them. Perfect! (And, camomile was a common ingredient in medieval love potions. There is no way tonight won’t be successful.) You put some sheets on the bed and hang the rest around the living room for the boudoir you’ve been constructing. You grab a stepladder and fit the Energizer Light Bulbs, dimming them down and, as anticipated, it takes the room from living room to hub of seduction.
You light 10 Chupa Chups tealights for flickering atmosphere and gorgeous sugary aromas (‘give me some sugar’ aromas, if you will…) then run out to the kitchen. You want no distractions this evening so you’ve bought 6 Sheba Fish Pouches in Jelly to keep your cat entertained. On the way back to the living room, you take the Durex Tingle Me Condoms (extra tingles for an extra special evening) from your dressing gown pocket and leave them next to the prosecco and chocolate covered strawberries (#prepared).
You nip upstairs and put on your romance ensemble then, as the doorbell goes, you race back down and prepare the final touch. Vape. You enshroud the boudoir (living room) with veils of fruity vapour to add that element of je ne sais quoi. And BOOM. Valentine’s Day, you’re ready.
So, let’s sum up
(In pictures. Obvs…)
Imagine that! A Valentine’s Day for under £10 or under £25. Unthinkable. For a piece of the HiHouse Valentine’s action, click any of the product links or head over to HiHouse for a general shop!